Why do i have a blog in the first place -- to describe what happened, giving importance to trivial events and transform them into the best sounding moments i've experienced each day, to cherish, to love, to express gratitude to my life. However, i found that I may have ventured a little too deep in personalizing my blog and make it into a half diary-like entry.

Blogging is a form of letout for my frustration that are pent up each day. My blog is public. I dont have the heart to privatize it, because to be frank, I'm vain in wanting people to know who I am and what I do as a little somebody in this big world. In the most recent entry, i found comfort in most friends' words. Actually, i had not bargained for anything but i was really surprised, either pleasantly or shocked, that my entry had confirmed that there are different approaches to a solution from an individual's point of view even though they are All my friends.

Anne, St chose the happy, positive cheering way. Deb and Carv chose the wise, advising way. Mun chose the bitter way. Why is that so, mun? Why the need to end your comment with "she wont listen to us, dont waste our saliva". Since when have i left you such an impression as a friend?

I've argued with him countless of times. Ask anybody who had read my blog and ask carven who had really dissect the probs. Everytime when I argue, i experience the heartbreak feeling that we might not last. The moment when i felt like i had lost faith, i turned towards blogging. I know begging people to listen to me are worthless if they dont feel like listening. Why bug people with how sad you are if you're not sure they are prepared to share? However, everytime, i gladly find comfort in most friends and am seriously, undeniably, deepy thankful for it.

Before i entered taylor's, i was a Sri Kl student who had completely turned down every outing. I wasnt dating anybody. After i entered taylor's, my lifestyle changed as i lepak more after school. But when it comes to weekends, i almost cut connections with most friends, except for rare outings with long time no see friends. Nobody complained back then about how i can't go out. When i got together with him, suddenly there is this overwhelming possesiveness aura that surrounds me. Half my friends accused me of being too dependent on bf, neglecting friends and all. It's true that i have cut off most of my online times when he's back and also true that i socialize with his friends more. I admit i am wrong in that way but i Dont agree to the fact that i seem like this anti own friends idiot once he's back because the accusation is just darn not fair. When i'm in KDU, i dont have much time to go back to Taylor's but mun never blamed me then. When i'm in KDU or Taylor's i dont really call friends to chat up because phone calls are expensive but i DO sms to keep in touch. Nobody brought up the fact that I rarely called.

After he comes back, oh wonderful, suddenly i'm greeted with sarcastic replies that i finally do call. Suddenly, i'm bombarded with statements that i put him before my friends.Suddenly, I'm accused of going out with them less. I thought all along it had been quite the same -- me not going out and calling when he's not back during short hols. I know everybody still likes the lifestyle of hanging out after school during hols. Do you think i like it when i'm greeted with sarcastic replies when i keep in touch? Friends are to be supported and to support you, not being digged, ragged and teased at.

I asked mun hundreds of times whether we are still friends or not. Well...haha...you think i was naggy? You think i would care to ask so many times if i dont care? I care, care too much, in fact. She's angry at me because i left early for our outing. She's annoyed at me because i patched up things with him. Hahaha...i dunno...when I have a friend who broke up with her bf, i knew i scolded her bf together with her, then encouraged her when she felt like getting back together. I don't further discourage and shatter her hopes when a friend feels distressed.

I hope those who feel like discouraging me won't too, because i will gladly help you to be happy once you're my Friend.