Lately, i've been getting all the wrong syiokness. I hate unpleasant surprises. I hate a mundane life...my definition of mundane life is seriously...very depressing because i dont consider not going out clubbing and staying at home watch TV as mundane. When i find none, not the slightest hint of pleasure in what i'm doing except for pure on-the-surface-brief academic satisfaction for completing my monday assignment, i feel like besides my parents that are near me physically currently, life is so empty.

After getting a huge shock of the incredibly high increasing rate of tuition fees for next year, i'm left stranded there...with full of pressure and anticipation for the possibility of taking a subject that i dread next year...it's so freaking high that i dont have the heart to ask my dad for extra money so that i can change major. Live with the hell of sweating and slaving for something you dont like. I mean..i love studying. I really do. I know i'm a workhaholic. But i was thinking for a more balanced second year first sem, not too heavy workload so that i can go and visit him and sufficient time to explore perth.

Him...had always been part of my motivation in life lately. The essence changed. I feel that all i love yous sound so routine...I know we love each other but somehow i feel like i can repeat that for the rest of the day just to assure myself that i'm being loved. It is not even the quiet kind of love where when the passion had died then you will approach that stage where the relationship will be so stable but still illuminating silently.

Last night i dreamt of him. I can almost smell the scent and could definitely touch him. It felt so lustful but not warm inside...then i woke up, feeling even more empty inside. All i want to do is just to huddle up and shut myself out of such emptiness...